Naming the little brat

I'm trying to settle on a name for my inner brat. Oh she's in there, and she's fighting me every step of the way as I try to reclaim control of my house and my life.

I've been trying to figure out why on earth I keep putting off digging into this office and getting it straightened up. I had started clearing out the remnants of my direct sales business a few months ago (before I even knew about Flylady), but progress has screeched to a halt. WHY?

I've come to two conclusions:

1. Every time I start going through the things from my old business, I start feeling down and a little disappointed with myself. I guess I feel like a failure. I was a direct sales consultant for seven years, and I was good at it. But I had started feeling like my time with the company was coming to an end because my kids were getting older and my shows were keeping me from being with them in the evenings and on the weekends. But then we ran into some rocky roads and I mentally shut down for a while, and that included neglecting what was left of my fledgling business. If I had made the decision to leave and had walked away on my own in a healthy way, I would have felt better about it. But I ended up watching it die a slow, painful death. So going through my old things brings back a lot of feelings I don't want to deal with.

2. My office is my inner child's playground. She wants to come in here and play and act like she's helping me work (I have an online store that I operate from my office), but she doesn't want to accept any of the responsibility. She's terrible about leaving things out where they don't belong, and she whines, complains and just about throws a tantrum if I even think about doing any kind of paperwork. If she doesn't know where something goes, she just leaves it out. And she loves piles!

So do I need some therapy before I can tackle my office? Nah. Now that I've started to identify what's keeping me from doing what needs to be done, I think I can start to chip away at it 15 minutes at a time.

I definitely need to name this little brat that is trying so hard to get my attention and keep me from regaining control. I'm thinking her name might be Toni, after a girl I went to elementary school with. Toni got everything she wanted, and if she didn't, LOOK OUT! Yeah, I think my inner brat just might be a Toni. Whew.

On a more positive note, the upper two levels of my house are coming under control very nicely. The bathrooms are getting swished and swiped daily, and we're at the point where a weekly deep cleaning isn't even necessary. They're always company-ready. My control journal is all set up and helping me to stay on track with morning and evening routines. The only one I'm struggling with is doing 15 minutes of decluttering every day. I've decluttered all the major areas that needed it except for the dreaded office. I guess I should find some smaller projects to warm up with and then start baby stepping through the office.

We're enjoying dinner as a family around our dinner table every evening. We've pretty much eliminated eating out; no one wants to skip the yummy meals I'm preparing from my weekly menu mailers. I'm discovering that I do enjoy cooking; it was the planning I dreaded. I don't mind grocery shopping now that my fridge and pantry are neat and organized. Cooking is actually pretty fun now because I know the guys will like what I'm preparing. My older son has a friend who has been spending a lot of time at our house this summer. The other day he confided to me that his family doesn't eat many meals at home because of busy work schedules. I'm pretty strict about having dinner together as a family unless it is totally unavoidable, and I think that is why he enjoys being here with us so much. Our family sits around the table at dinner and we talk about our day, we laugh, we joke, and that's just our time to connect. I think it's the most important time of the day.

Enough of that. Tonight is supposed to be "date night," but my poor exhausted hubby is upstairs asleep on the couch. He's the general manager of a hotel, and right now he's working seven days a week. I know it will become smoother; this is just one of those busy times. But I'll be so glad when he can have some time off to rest, relax and carry on a conversation after 8:00 PM. :)

Have a great day!