Confessions of a FlyBaby

My adventures in organizing my life with the FlyLady (www.flylady.net).

Monday, August 07, 2006

I am learning more each day that FlyLady is about much more than just cleaning and organizing your home.

She’s all about “Finally Loving Yourself” from the inside out.

Lately I’ve been paying attention to my self-talk, and I’m surprised at how much I beat myself up. My two favorite phrases seem to be, “I’m so disorganized” and “I’m such a failure.”

Now let’s back up for just a minute. I’m not that kind of mom at all. I consciously try to give my boys positive messages about themselves every day. At 17 and almost-12, they are such great boys – they never give us a minute of trouble, they are respectful to everyone (including their dad and me), they make good choices, and they’re just all around good kids. I tell them that all the time because I want their self-talk to be better than mine. Of course they do make mistakes, but I don’t beat them up about it.

So why do I do it to myself?

“I’m a failure.” I say this to myself whenever I think about the business I had (I was a direct sales consultant with a company that made baskets and pottery). Why? We were going through some bad circumstances around the time my business started slacking off, but those circumstances weren’t the real reason I stopped. I had decided that I was spending too much time in the evenings and on weekends doing in-home shows and meetings and I was missing out on the boys’ activities. I made a decision to back off on the number of shows I was doing so I could be there more for them.

Backing up again, I used to be a teacher when the kids were younger. I always wanted to be a stay at home mom while my kids were at home because I just didn’t want anyone else raising them and I didn’t to miss any of their milestones. But I bought into the whole “both people have to work so we can give the kids everything” idea, and I hated every minute of it. Finally when the younger son was four years old I decided to leave teaching to pursue the earlier-mentioned business so I could be at home. It worked great until both boys got into sports and other activities; then I was missing out again.

So the end of my business was a decision that I made because it was what was right for my family at that time. So why do I keep telling myself I’m a failure? I’m not a failure. I’m a good mom! Light bulb moment!

“I’m disorganized.” I know where this one started. I was a cheerleader from seventh grade through my first year in college. When I was in eighth grade (my second year as a cheerleader) I was captain of the squad. Our basketball team was in some sort of tournament (probably for county champs). I remember our coach bringing me in and telling me how “scatter brained” I was because I hadn’t planned any special activities for the team. I was 13 years old; I didn’t know what I was supposed to do!

So “scatter brained” became the way I thought of myself. I can remember all through high school, whenever I would forget something or make a mistake, I would tell myself how “scatter brained” I was. What a horrible message for an adult to give a CHILD! But that is the message that has followed me into adulthood.

So when I walk into my office that is cluttered with memories from my “failed” business, my thought is always how disorganized I am. But of course I can’t help it because I’m scatter brained.

Well, no more! I’m not a failure, and I’m not scatter brained. I’m not disorganized.

I feel like that goofy guy on Saturday Night Live from several years ago. I can’t remember his name, but he’d sit in front of the mirror and say his “daily affirmations.” I’m smart enough, I’m a good person, and darn it, people like me!

Who knew that signing up with FlyLady would mean digging through the clutter in my brain, discarding those messages that keep me from having true peace in my life, and learning to love the person I am?

If you’re not flying, I strongly suggest checking her out (www.flylady.net). She will change your life!

God bless!

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